take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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