I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
