did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
