I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
