OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
50% drunk capacity currently
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
