She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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