Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
