ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
