Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
