i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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