Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
