Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
