reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
