Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
