your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
