I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
