i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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