Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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