Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
