Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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