I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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