I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
pray to the hookup gods
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
