May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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