During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
