Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
