its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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