i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
