we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
