this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
