I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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