I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
