We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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