i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
