apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
