I cannot find my penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
