TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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