I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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