After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
