And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
