not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
