god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
