I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
