How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
