What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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