i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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