I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was born a porn star she said
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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