Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
