i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sarcasm needs its own font
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
