Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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