Someone shit on the floor
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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