You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
