I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A bitchslap is in order.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
